


How LEX Stole Christmas

by Mysticmcknight



Category: Smallville
Genre: Christmas Fluff, Clexmas, M/M, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-21
Updated: 2015-01-21
Packaged: 2018-03-08 12:10:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3208652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mysticmcknight/pseuds/Mysticmcknight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clexmas Stocking Stuffer 2014: Parody of Dr. Seuss' How the Grinch Stole Christmas w/ a smallville twist.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How LEX Stole Christmas

**E** **VERY** Who Down in Smallville Liked Christmas a lot.

But LEX, Who lived just north of Smallville, Did NOT!

LEX hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!

Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.

It could be his head was too smooth upon sight.

It could be, perhaps, that his booze was not right.

But I think that the most likely reason of all,

May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.

 

**W** **HATEVER** the reason, His heart or his booze,

He stood there on Christmas Eve, hating the Smallville Whos,

Staring down from his cave with a sour, LEXY frown,

At the warm lighted windows below in their town.

For he knew every Who down in Smallville beneath,

Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.

 

" **A** **ND** they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer,

"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"

Then he growled, with his LEX fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"

For Tomorrow, he knew, all the Smallville Who girls and boys,

Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!

And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!

 

**N** **OISE**! Noise! Noise!

That's one thing he hated the most! The NOISE!

NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!

Then the Smallville Whos, young and old, would sit down to a feast.

And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!

FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!

 

**T** **HEY** would feast on Smallville Who-pudding, and rare Smallville Who-roast beast.

Which was something LEX couldn't stand in the least!

And THEN They'd do something He liked least of all!

Every Who down in Smallville, the tall and the small,

Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.

They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Smallville Whos would start singing!

They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!

SING! SING! SING!

 

**A** **ND** the more LEX thought of this Christmas Sing,

The more LEX thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"

"Why, for twenty-three years I've put up with it now!"

"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"

Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

LEX GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

 

" **I** know just what to do!" The LEX laughed in his throat.

And he made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.

And he chuckled, and clucked, "What a great LEXY trick!"

"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a reindeer..." LEX looked around.

But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.

 

**D** **ID** that stop the old LEX? No! The LEX simply said,

"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"

So he called his dog, Tax. Then he took some red thread,

And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.

 

**T** **HEN** He loaded some bags and some old empty sacks,

On a ramshackle sleigh and he hitched up old Tax.

Then LEX said, "Giddap!" And the sleigh started down,

Toward the homes where the Smallville Whos Lay a snooze in their town.

All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.

All the Smallville Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.

 

**W** **HEN** he came to the first little house on the square.

"This is stop number one," the old LEXY Claus hissed,

And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.

Then he slid down the chimney. A rather tight fix.

But, if Santa could do it, then so could LEX.

He got stuck only once, for a moment or two.

Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue.

Where the little Smallville Who stockings all hung in a row.

"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"

 

**T** **HEN** he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,

Around the whole room, and he took every present!

Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!

Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!

And he stuffed them in bags. Then LEX, very nimbly,

Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!

 

**T** **HEN** he slunk to the icebox. He took the Smallville Whos' feast!

He took the Smallville Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!

He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.

Why, that LEX even took their last can of Smallville Who-hash!

Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.

"And NOW!" grinned LEX, "I will stuff up the tree!"

 

**A** **ND** the LEX grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,

When he heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.

He turned around fast, and he saw a Tall Who!

Little Clark Who, who was much closer to twenty- two.

 

**L** **EX** had been caught by this large Who man,

Who'd got out of bed for a Who-cola soda can.

He stared at LEX and said, "Santy Claus, why,”

"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"

 

**B** **UT** , you know, that old LEX was so smart and so slick,

He thought up a lie, and he thought it up quick!

"Why, my sweet little…er…tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,

"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."

"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."

"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."

 

**B** **UT** not so little Clark Who, didn’t buy it a bit,

He pulled the tree back from where it did not fit.

“If you were really Santa I’d easily believe you,”

“But since your LEX I know what to do!”

 

**B** **EFORE** LEX could move or speak a word to explain all this,

Little Clark moved in quick and placed his lips in a tender kiss.

“I was a good boy and I got my wish!”

LEX was puzzled and stared, “You asked for this?”

 

“ **I** asked Santa for you forever by my side,”

Clark said with a warm huge smile of love and pride.

“And here you are just as I dreamed!”

LEX didn’t know if he wanted to jump for joy or simply scream.

Someone asked that he, LEX be their Christmas Gift?

Not the latest power car with a three-tire lift.

But him, grumpy and all is what they wanted,

He was lost at this, it wasn’t something he could have ever thunked.

 

**A** **ND** what happened then? Well...in Smallville they say,

That LEX's small heart grew three sizes that day!

And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,

He whizzed to retrieve his load through the bright street light,

And he spent the night redecorating the town, for Smallville Who’s had not taste

But LEX and Clark made magic from all that gaudy waste.

By morning LEX and Clark made Christmas a new,

By midafternoon, the two exchanged vows in front of all of Smallville to view.

And afterwards the food for the wedding was quite the feast!

And he, HE HIMSELF! LEX carved their roast beast!

 


End file.
